How to Deal Part II

So for those of you close to me you know it has been a topsy turvy weekend. It was busy and I didn't get to spend much time with Eric. Likely because he simply keeps too much on his plate. Sunday night was the first I had seen him in a few days and things were not well. He was upset and basically told me that he had too much going on in his life and wasn't ready for a relationship. I can't say I wasn't surprised, albeit very disappointed. You know I couldn't help but argue with him that I thought he was making a mistake, and that by ending our relationship he was taking the easy way out, and it wasn't going to make a bit of difference. He works two jobs (~60 hours/week) and is going to school part-time. Between those things I can sympathize the fact that he is quite busy; however I couldn't help but explain to him how to deal in ways other than getting rid of me. It seemed to fall on deaf ears.


Sadly there is nothing I can do to keep him from making in what is my mind to be a very big mistake. I can only hope it works out for the best. Interestingly enough though I took my own advice. In my earlier post about this topic I mentioned my friends and how wonderful they have been to me. And yes, things were tough, but right on cue they were there. Nathan dropped everything to spend time with me after it all happened; rivers of tears running down my face and all. After spending some time with Nathan and watching TV I went home, but I couldn't sleep. I spent most of the day monday sick to my stomach because I just couldn't stop thinking about it all. Lucky for me two other friends stepped up to the plate. Jack called and said he was brining over a bottle of champagne, and Austin called and said he was in-route with Sushi from my fav place (Finn and Porter), and cookies from Tiff's Treats.

Well, half a bottle of champagne, a martini, and two huge margaritas from Rain later and the night just seemed to disappear. I'm not advocating you drink away problems, but it wasn't that so much as good company and a hell of a good time. Thanks Jack and Austin!

Long story short it only reaffirms the fact that when life give you lemons...have your friends help you jump on them to make lemonade...or something like that...When it comes down to it you have to grab on to those you love and hang on for the ride. I only wish Eric would realize this; someday I'm sure he will...I hope for his sake.

I'm still a little upset just thinking about it and seeing his name on facebook makes me a little sick to my stomach right now but in time I will move on. I will always miss what we had but we both left with the agreement that we would remain friends. At least this time cheating, lying, and backstabbing wasn't involved so the friendship is actually possible. I do have to give him some credit, he had to gall to tell me before letting it get worse and worse only to hurt more and more had he waited. And it was a very mature way to handle everything on both parts.

If there is one thing you take away from all of this it's to know that giving up your friends and your support to make time because you're stressed is no way to remedy the situation. And when things aren't going your way, grab onto everyone you have, because in the end that's all that matters.

Thanks Nathan, Jack, Austin, and everyone that his given me support over the last few days. You are all irreplaceable and I love you.

You have to love yourself first...

I have come to learn over the past few years the great importance of loving yourself. No I'm not talking about being narcissistic; I'm talking about accepting yourself for who you are and being proud of it.

If you haven't caught the point I'm trying to make is that before you can truly be happy you have to first look inside yourself and own up to who you are. All too often I see people jumping through hoops to be someone they're not just so that they will be loved, but in the end it always turns out the same...They end up unhappy, and alone because they have become completely fake.

I have experienced this myself first hand with my first relationship. I bent over backwards to be something I wasn't to earn the love of someone that I was afraid wouldn't like me for who I was. At the time I just told myself that relationships take work, but what I didn't realize is that the work it takes to build and maintain a healthy relationship is a completely different kind of work. Once I started to become more comfortable and show who I was and stop trying to be someone I wasn't is when things started to go south. It was inevitable now that I look back, which is why I have absolutely no regrets about it, and in-fact I'm glad it happened because I have taken a lot of valuable life lessons from it. If I had been myself the entire time then all of the stress and heartbreak might have been avoided.

It is important to realize that you should never become something you're to impress someone; however, the conflict comes up when you feel you need to change yourself to impress someone, and that change is beneficial. For instance, what if you had to come out to your family because someone you liked wouldn't date you otherwise? What if you suddenly changed your political party affiliation to try and impress someone? These things are not always bad; in and of themselves they can be positive life changes, but are they for the wrong reasons?

This also begs the question that if there is something about someone you don't like should you expect them to change just for you? Suggesting that someone quit smoking, come out to their parents, or join a different church are ok, but holding a relationship over their heads is another thing entirely.

So I suppose the point of this story is to say you really have to accept yourself for who you are before you can have a successful relationship. If you have to become someone completely different just so someone will like you then what's the point? My philosophy is that I'm happy with who I am and who I am becoming. There are a lot of things about myself I want to change (quit biting my fingernails, exercise more, be closer to my family, come out to my family, etc), but I'm going to do them for me and not for anyone else. In the end making myself happy is the highest priority and I will never get there unless I can love myself first. If I ever meet someone that does not like me for who I am, no matter how attractive I think they are, I will still not bother to be something I'm not for them. There are always going to be those people that don't agree with how you are, BUT there will always be those people that love you for who you are. Why would anyone risk the friendships they have by becoming someone totally different just to make a new friend or start a relationship? One thing is for sure, I sure won't.

Engadget, you crack me up

So I read this article on engadget today talking about how movie companies are going after the new Real Player software for it's ability to rip and archive DVDs. I thought one line in this article was particularly funny where the author is giving a hint to the movie industry...I think the music industry should probably also follow suit.

Here's a hint, guys: if you believe the temptation to do something is that strong, it probably means you can get people to pay to do it -- and you should probably be working out a business model that embraces consumers instead of funding new BMWs for your lawyers while actual piracy tears down the fragile house of cards your entire industry is built on. Or you know, whatever.